I heard something interesting the other night in a Corepower Yoga class that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about, so I thought I’d share in a little story time with you guys.
The story is about intuition. My intuition is something I think a lot about with or without a yoga teacher bringing it up, because, well… I am a yogi after all, so I think about that kind of shit.
I’m also addicted to connecting to my deep thoughts, and constantly seeking ways to better myself by listening to my intuition & gut as often as I can.
But what the teacher said the other night in class really, really hit me. It hit me for a whole bevy of reasons… which I will get to. In a sec.
She opened the class with a description of intuition, and the voice in which it speaks to us. Not just any description, but Kyle Gray (a best-selling Hay House author who is awesome)’s description.
I am paraphrasing, but it goes something like this: “The voice of our intuition has two main qualities when it speaks to us… it always speaks lovingly and in the present tense.”
Those words, heard in that moment, hit me very, very hard. I was just coming out of a very reflective and introspective weekend of teacher training, dealing with a massive host of things in my personal life, and feeling incredibly and deeply in touch with my heart and my gut and what I want ever since returning from Hawaii.
But still, even being in touch with my gut… I knew my intuition was trying to tell me more, and I was shoving it down. Telling myself “you always work so hard to figure it all out, just chill. Just let the universe do it’s thing.”
But there in lie my problem… I was not letting the universe do its thing. I was not letting my intuition, gut or heart lead the way. I was way too attached to what my heart wanted, whether or not it was the best for me.
Here’s the thing.
Sometimes it can be so hard to distinguish what our intuition tells us versus what the rest of the things are that we feel, think and believe.
Sometimes we want something so badly that we ignore the voice of our intuition until we can hardly hear it at all anymore, but it’s always there.
The intuition is strong, and what it says to us is based solely on how something feels in our lives… there IS no bias. Essentially, it tells us whether something is meant to be in our lives are not.
What it tells us can be big or small, based on huge life choices or as simple as what we are going to eat for dinner. The intuition does not discriminate on what it does and does not have an opinion about.
But when it knows, it knows.
It’s no secret that I have had a rough few weeks. I’ve been very open about it on Instagram, and perhaps to some extent I have been open about it here too. I discuss it a bit with Sophie in tomorrow’s podcast episode… which, conveniently, already happens to be UP in iTunes if you feel like listening a day early. 😉
Sophie and I discuss how there is medicine in our darkness. She came up with that phrase, and that too has stuck with me — our intuitions know the way, even when darkness is coming, and there is always medicine to be found in the darkness.
So why am I sharing all of this?
Because it finally all came to a head. My intuition was trying very hard to tell me something, but I just wouldn’t have it. Days passed, and my heart hurt. I couldn’t eat. My intuition really felt something and I. would. not. listen.
Couldn’t. Didn’t want to. Refused.
“No, I don’t want to, it will bring too much darkness… I’m strong, I can deal with this so things don’t have to change, I will figure it all out so I don’t have to do what my gut tells me is right,” I kept thinking.
I felt that SO STRONGLY that I even wondered (still do) if my gut & intuition truly DID NOT want me to catch on to what they were feeling so that I wouldn’t have to experience the darkness that came along with it.
And at the risk of sounding way too cryptic… just know, other people’s feelings are involved here too, as you can imagine, so I am trying to be delicate.
Plus, this post is about my intuition… everyone has one. 😉
So what’s the point?
Listen. When your intuition has something to say. It might lead you into some times of darkness, but as my dear friend Sophie so eloquently says… there is medicine in our darkness.
And in all dark times there is SO MUCH LIGHT to be seen, too. We just have to see it, and sometimes maybe even search for it.
Personal life right now is rough. Things are a’ brewing. But other things are great. I’m pursuing a lifelong DREAM of teaching yoga in a very real, very consistent way, and that feels freaking good.
I’m working on my second book, I’m living out my dream job every day, I’m surrounded by the greatest friends and family a girl could ask for.
I get to go to Hawaii and Big Sur and Carmel and Bora Bora and Hawaii again all in the next few months, and that’s pretty exciting for a travel bug like me.
There are a lot, a lot of good things happening. And I’m not saying that to try to convince myself that all is fine… because my heart does hurt, and that’s okay. It’s NOT all fine, and that’s okay.
I’m just putting it out there, because it’s real and it’s the truth and perhaps it’s part of the medicine in my darkness.
I do feel connected to my core and my heart center, and that feels good. I think I can finally create some space to work on what I need to work on, emotions I need to access to write my next book, and that’s cool too.
So, all this to say, thank you intuition for knowing the way. I trust you, even if you’re leading me through some difficulty. XO
Love you guys! …and you wonder why I tell people I write an online diary for a living? Lol.