Ever have those moments where you feel overcome with the innate need to do something drastic like get a tattoo, hop on a random flight to Arkansas or adopt a dog? That’s how my entire week has been… Made a tattoo appointment, considered flying to Arkansas (that one is still up for debate in my mind) & filled out several doggy rescue apps.
Yes mom, I certainly did.
Perhaps my feelings are due to the fact that being back in New York for the first time after impulsively moving back to California a few months ago was rather shocking to my entire being.
Anyone who has been following along with my NY-obsessed Instas (like the above) + unusually consistent snap chats + (if you know me well) spastic text messages about feeling alive in the city has an inkling of a hinty hint that I. Loved. Being. Back.
But you know what the real trip is? Hereeee it comes… I also freaking love living in Los Angeles.
For the first time in my life, I’ve been faced with two perfectly wonderful options to live where not only does each city rock and provide endless things to do, but I also have dear, dear friends and boundless work opportunities in both places. Essentially, I could live in either place. New York is far from most of my family but my lifelong BFF and many family-like friends are there… And LA is closer to family but has never reeallly given me the same cozy content sense of home that NYC gave me almost instantly.
Keep in mind when I got off the plane from LA to NYC I was coming down from a maniacal work-induced high. I had just submitted the first sixth of my manuscript to my publishers, driven from nor cal to so cal and back again in less than a week, wrapped up every last detail of the app and whipped out some crazy preparation for the TBV Apparel event in NY.
When I landed in En Why See (told you I was in a weird mood. Where the f did that spelling come from?) I was caught somewhere between major workaholic mode and a wave of total paralyzation and yearning for relaxation. I spent the majority of the week strolling the city, spending inordinate amounts of time with my most favorite of beautiful souls, jotting down notes in my new Brooklyn (soy paper…hell yeah) notebook and eating yummalicious food.
Yes, that meant stepping away from the bloggy for a few days. Did it kill me a little? Yeah. Was it necessary? Yeah. Am I ready to come back at ya with a boat load of fun posts, reviews, interviews, projects and ideas? KALE yeah.
In a short, New York taught me something extremely important this week. When you feel pulled toward something/someone/somewhere, even if it seems that there is no good reason for it, GO FOR IT. Listen, act and react. I spent about three days straight in a super duper wacky mood because A) I hit my head extremely hard on a shelf in Katie’s apartment, B) I was doing some necessary decompressing from the craziness of the month and C) I am a pretty weird chick, and I didn’t try to shove the odd feelings aside in order to work or even create… I just did the damn thing (life) and let myself be!!
And that was the greatest gift I could have ever given myself. In an interesting way I feel closer to my truth and my purpose than I ever have before in my entire life. I feel whole and open to what the universe has to offer. I feel very content with who I am and what I feel that I’m meant to do.
What is that, you ask? Too abstract to put into exact words but I will try: I want to continue creating and pursuing things that set my soul on fire. Those things include writing, helping others connect to their truest/healthiest selves, sharing healthy food and workouts and yoga with you awesome peeps, exploring new places, more alone time than I was ever comfortable having in previous years, and spending LOTS of time with people who lift me up.
It’s more of a feeling thing than a thing thing. And I am feeling luckier than EVER that this blog is my job and that my passions are in alignment with what I get to do right now.
And I even feel weirdly lucky to be flying over Kansas right now because for some reason it just feels right.
(PS… I turn 24 tomorrow. SAY WHAT?)