Hellllooo my loves! Wow, it’s been almost a month since my last blog post. I have been loving micro-blogging on Instagram and basically making every caption a blog post so I guess that’s where I’ve been. 🙂 But I have also been doing deep, deep healing work and I have been feeling like it’s time for a bigger update on my healing journey here.
Close to a month ago I decided to start telling myself that not only am I healing, but I am HEALED. I know this might sound interesting because in many ways my body does not feel healed at all, but I have believed for a while now that I have reached a level of consciousness in my mind where sickness and chronic illness do not exist.
My work for the last several months has been to bridge the gap between that level of consciousness that I’ve reached in my mind and where I am / how I feel in my body. My mind has been feeling so strong, happy, and healed, and my body has still been feeling so sick, so exhausted, so worn down, and so at a loss as to how to move forward.
As my girl Elizabeth Gilbert says, “I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit.”
What she means by that is that true transformation takes place when we are gravely honest with ourselves. When we are brave enough to say, “This same old storyline isn’t working for me anymore. I am done with it and I want out.” And that, my friends, is not easy. It requires us to take accountability for our lives and in essence, take back the reins of our own existence. And that can be scary AF.
Reaching My Own “Sick & Tired” Breaking Point //
I can definitely say, I have reached a point in the last month or so that I have become so SICK & TIRED of being SICK & TIRED. Of perpetuating my own bullshit & stuck-ness in this chronic illness life that is keeping me in a place where I can’t possibly heal.
I could tell you a million and one stories about how Lyme disease has protected me from a lot of things in my life. It has been the hardest experience of my entire life, the most miserable in so many ways, and yet also it has shielded me from everything I no longer wanted to be or to do in this world. So when I say that chronic illness is our greatest gift, I mean that. Chronic illness is our GREATEST gift, a present from the Universe, something handed to us at our feet to wake us back up to who we are inside.
Trust me when I say this is a scary thing to realize. It’s taken me over a year to open up to this idea fully. When I was first diagnosed with Lyme disease last June, I was so overwhelmed and terrified but I was also so self-righteously HAPPY. I finally had an answer and a label for everything that had been causing me such extreme and immense pain for so long.
A few people (including my beloved fiancé) tried to tell me that if I identified too heavily with Lyme disease, I would be sticking myself in the story of being a sick person and it wouldn’t ever allow me to get better. I was annoyed by these people. I thought they didn’t get it at all. I thought they were telling me that I wasn’t allowed to associate with Lyme, something that finally gave a name to my ailments, something I was so, so happy to finally be able to hold onto and something that made me feel UNDERSTOOD and taken care of,
I needed to be a sick person with Lyme disease for a while. Not only because I was (and still am) a sick person with Lyme disease, but because my soul needed to be validated after a decade of having no clue on earth what was wrong with me — after having doctor after doctor after doctor after doctor tell me that I was COMPLETELY FINE & HEALTHY when I absolutely was not.
I needed that label. That label saved me from all my prior years of torture and hell when it came to western medicine. And because of it I was finally able to get on a protocol and treatment plan for Lyme. In many ways it was a huge gift.
But when I reached the point of getting sick and tired of my own bullshit… I was ready to begin to think about what letting go of that label might mean for me. I was ready to connect to that higher level of consciousness I had experienced so blissfully on Mother Ayahuasca, where I knew that my soul of all souls is HEALTHY and radiates nothing but bright, shiny, beautiful health!! I was ready to DROP MY STORY and do the hard, grueling inner work of getting to the ROOT of my illness and what exactly its been protecting me from for all this time.
And once I realized what it was protecting me from (all of the things that I do not want to do and that no longer serve me in this life) I realized that now I no longer need to be sick because I can have healthy boundaries and protect myself from those things as a HEALTHY person.
Reconnecting to my Soul’s Path //
No I am not saying that we, as chronically ill patients, have chosen to be sick. No I am not saying that as sick people it is OUR FAULT that we are sick. It’s so, so, so far from that and it’s really quite the contrary. What I’m saying that I believe is that our souls chose this path long before we came here. Long before we ever incarnated into these bodies. Our souls are on a karmic path that we as a human species are conditioned to completely forget. But I have been on an absolute spiritual awakening journey where I am remembering my path, and why I came here, and who I am as an eternal being and not just Jordan Younger in this physical body and incarnation.
I did not choose to be sick. I did get a tick bite that infected me with Lyme and I do have genetic mutations that make detoxing nearly impossible and I did live in a mold-infested apartment for three years that wreaked havoc on my immune system and I did develop parasites that ripped apart my gut and I have been suffering for a very long time. But I am also a soul having an eternal experience, and I CHOSE this.
Lifetimes upon lifetimes of pain have manifested in my body as chronic illness in this lifetime. My ancestors pain has manifested in my body as chronic illness. Pain I went through as a child, conditioning that was imposed upon me to “work harder” and focus on all outer material things (and money) to inform my success and happiness… all of this has manifested as sickness in my body.
I could go on & on and I will, as I am working on a book (!!!!) all about my experience to waking back up to my soul’s eternal existence and becoming my own healer.
If you are chronically ill I promise I am not telling you that being sick is your fault. What I am telling you is that your soul is powerful beyond measure. In some realm, by some karmic destiny that’s beyond our wildest dreams, you CHOSE this. Or your karmic path chose it for you. It’s meant to wake you back up to who you are.
I am realizing so many things about the new me, and I am realizing that returning to my old life is NOT what defines health. Letting go of that limiting belief is exactly why I am now finding healing and why I am finally able to turn my life around.
I am having to let go of so much. Nearly everything I’ve known and that I thought was true. I am micro-dosing various forms of plant medicine to continue getting back in touch with my soul’s eternal cosmic being — and nature is a huge part of this. The plants have been speaking to me and waking me back up to who I am.
Becoming Our Own Healer //
You can do this too! It is as simple as taking off your shoes and grounding your feet into the soil or into the sand if you live by the ocean. It doesn’t need to be a soul-remembrance experience in order to be powerful. The earth charges us up with negative ions and re-calibrates us back into our very being-ness, whether or not we think too much about what it is doing and whether or not we speak to the earth the way that I like to. 😉
I can hear my dad saying, “I am never going to be a barefoot hippie even though some of these ideas make a lot of sense,” as he said to me this weekend after reading Michael Singer’s autobiography The Surrender Experiment! And I know there are a lot of people out there who feel this way, and I get it. So you don’t have to seek out a full blown spiritual awakening in order to get back in touch with your true natural essence.
We are from the earth. Nature heals. Bathing in the forest, grounding our feet into the earth, eating a more plant-based diet, swimming in the ocean, watching the sunset, laying naked under the full moon… all of these things heal us. There is a universe inside of each of our bodies.
Waking back up to who I am is the greatest gift I ever could have imagined or hoped for in this lifetime. I am so excited about it and everything the earth and my soul has to teach me. I have been channeling my highest self more and more lately, and have been integrating this part of myself into my podcast and basically into every experience I am having lately.
This is why I am healing!!!! And it all started with me getting SICK & TIRED OF MY OWN BULLSHIT STORY!!! We all have one! And please don’t let yourself get offended by the notion of having your own story — sometimes we are so undeniably wrapped up in it we can’t see it at all. I couldn’t see my own in its entirety until very recently.
I am making an extremely conscious effort to surround myself only with people who lift me up to no end. I spent the weekend at In Goop Health, surrounded by so many humans on the leading edge of health, wellness, healing, and spirituality. I spent this Sunday with several of the most inspiring women I know, and I spent today with my dear friend Jenna Zoe (3 time podcast guest and Human Design Chart Reader!) getting lost in nature and tapping back into our inner earth goddess selves.
We all have this insane, huge, massive capacity to heal living inside of us and to turn our struggles into our greatest teachers.
To turn our mess into our message.
It’s all here for us. It’s all so powerful, as long as we let it be.
So from my heart to yours, we are healing. And we are doing it together. I am so honored to have you here on this journey with me. My biggest advice is to take yourself out of your story, the storyline that is holding you back. Whatever it is. We probably all have several stories but one big one. And to get back into nature and let it heal you. Let every day be FUN. This is our birthright.
I am so, so, so, so happy to be healing. Happier than I have ever been in my life. I still have days and moments within every day where I struggle immensely and I don’t even mind anymore because I am letting it all be part of the journey…
Don’t forget if you are in pain, I am in pain too. I am not speaking from a place of completely healed or eradicated pain. But I have chosen to view my pain differently now. It’s all a shift in perception. And I believe that as I continue to shift, my pain will continue to dissipate.
Love you all so much. Would absolutely love your thoughts and stories below. So much huge mega healing Reflector-y love. <3