Hi guys! WOW so much has happened since I last blogged. In a way it has been so nice to take a little hiatus from writing actual blog posts (which always means I turn my Instagram captions into full-blown mini blogs) because it gives me a whole new appreciation for this medium. The last time I posted was a little over exactly a month ago (what in the heck) which I think is the longest I have gone without writing a blog post since starting my blog five years ago.
I have needed the break for a few reasons. For one, my health issues and trying hard to maintain other aspects of the brand like my podcast and Insta while being so sick and taking on my healing as a full-time job. For two… WE GOT ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!
Before I share the engagement story I want to quickly tell you what I am so thrilled about now that I have taken this blogging hiatus. I missed blogging a LOT and found myself constantly thinking about ideas for posts and even longing for the days where blogging was the place I expressed myself to you guys long before my podcast & using Instagram with such long form captions.
Because of that I have decided that for the month of September I am going to write a blog post EVERY DAY of the work week. So 5 days a week, you’ll be seeing a TBB post go live. Be sure to sign up for my newsletter at this link if you haven’t yet so that you get the posts straight to your inbox… it’s gonna be FUN! Of course they’ll be a little shorter and about specific topics vs. these huge catchup style posts and I am very, very, very excited about it. I feel like its going to be me reclaiming my life as a blogger… one who actually BLOGS regularly.
OK NOW… The Proposal Story!! EEEEK!
Alright so let me take you back to almost two weeks ago: August 1st, 2018. The day began like any other, along with some wild happenings in the morning that made the day very memorable hours before Jonathan even proposed. We were leaving for Kauai the following day so we both had a ton to do and the stress level was running a little high. Jonathan had JUST gotten back from Australia so we were soaking up all the moments we could together after being apart for 10 days… and because of that I was able to convince J to snap some photos with me for a brand, pictured below. 😉 You can see the glee on his face knowing he would be proposing later in the afternoon!!!! And the total non-knowing-ness on my face, LOL.
Since we’ve very recently moved into our new building, we have spent a lot of time waiting on furniture deliveries and dealing with the chaos of building large furniture items, etc. That particular morning we were waiting on a few big West Elm deliveries before J left for work… and when the delivery men came in with our dresser / media console / bookshelf the door to our place was open for quite a while as they delivered and assembled it all.
I was in the bathroom getting ready for the day but assumed Jonathan was keeping an eye on Hudson. Huddy has a tendency to run out into the hallway to explore when the door is open, and he’s been loving the hallway in our new building even more than the last. So after the furniture was assembled and the delivery guys had left, J was about to run out the door to work and I was going to Alfred (for some matcha, of course) and the bank. Before we left I said, “Do you know where Huddy is?”
And J said no he didn’t, so we started looking in all of his usual spots just to be sure. After a few minutes of looking, it became clear that he wasn’t where he usually liked to hide/hang… so naturally I started to get a little frantic. Thinking about how long the door had been open and how much construction is going on in our building (meaning open doors all over the place, lots of people in and out, etc.) was starting to make me panic even more, so after a few more minutes of looking I was already freaking out in true Jordan fashion saying, “HE’S NOT IN HERE, WE NEED TO LOOK IN THE HALLWAYS!!!!”
So there I go sprinting through the halls of our building, then the staircases, then the parking garage, then the courtyard, SCREAMING Hudson’s name at the top of my lungs and starting to get absolutely hysterical. I kept running back into the apartment to look and Jonathan was going back and forth too… and after what felt like an hour but was probably a total of 20 minutes, J found Huddy shoved behind a bunch of boxes in a coat closet… SLEEPING. Totally unbothered by us.
But just to give you an idea of how the day started… FRANTIC would be an understatement. When we found him I collapsed onto the ground and sobbed. It felt like my worst nightmare coming true for a little while there. But if you have cats you know, if you’re being totally realistic with yourself, they run AWAY from the chaos not into it. LESSON LEARNED.
En Route to Malibu…
Now we joke about it looking back because Jonathan had the added pressure and fear of the fact that he was PROPOSING later that day, and if Hudson was indeed missing that would obviously ruin everything (not to mention ruin our lives but I think that was too much for him to even think about in the moment). I look back and think J is a SAINT for keeping himself so composed while I flipped and sobbed and screamed, all the while the proposal plan he’d been brewing for over a year was at stake.
But of course all was fine and WHEW for that!
ANYWAY Jonathan went to work for a few hours and I ran the errands then recorded intros & outros for the podcast. He was coming back to pick me up at 1pm for us to go spend the day in Malibu together working remotely & celebrating our 20th month anniversary. Something you should know about me & J is that we celebrate our anniversary every month, especially because we started dating on January 1st, 2017. So it makes it easy to celebrate/remember every time the first of the month rolls around.
He had told me the day before to bring a nice dress to change into because he’d made dinner reservations at Nobu, which I was thrilled about because we pretty much never dress up. Especially in the middle of the week. We are very much activewear during the day, Erewhon (aka grocery store) for dinner kind of people so picking out a nice dress to wear felt super romantic and exciting.
On the drive to Malibu I thought Jonathan seemed a little quiet, but he also seemed super happy and reflective so I didn’t think anything of it. We listened to some of our favorite songs, of course now songs I will NEVER forget (don’t worry I’m making a Spotify playlist of the songs ASAP!), and I mostly chatted while J listened. I got onto a huge tangent about the Hadid family who I now love so much after reading Yolanda’s book, and looking back now I crack up thinking about how in depth I talked about them all the while Jonathan was thinking, “You have nooooo idea what’s coming! Talk about the Hadid’s all you want but I am definitely barely listening.” LOL.
We sat down at Soho House, ordered lunch, and I got out my colored pencils & markers to make my intention setting list that I make on the first of every month. Looking back I felt like a lot of the people working were staring at me and smiling, and I figured it was because it’s not every day you see a 27 year old at Soho House decorating her notebook with extreme precision and using rainbow colored pens. It turns out they all knew what was coming & they were totally in on it!
I gave J a birthday letter I wrote him since he was in Australia on his birthday, and he made a big show of saying, “Awww I wish I had gotten you something!” as I kept assuring him it was a birthday card and nothing to do with our anniversary. But of course he loved that because he knew what was coming…! And you should know, the cards I write people are more like novels and MAJOR love letters so it was very mushy and heartfelt, which only made the day all the more special looking back.
A few minutes later Jonathan started asking me to go on a beach walk. I was surprised because we had JUST gotten there and hadn’t been sitting for that long, when our plan was to spend the day working at Soho House and then go out to dinner across the street when we were finished. Since we were leaving for Kauai the next day I had a ton of work I wanted to finish, and I figured he did too since he’s usually the VERY committed worker-bee while I am the far more lax one.
I showed him my to-do list thinking that would get him to understand why I wasn’t ready to go on a walk yet, but he persisted. I kept saying, “Not yet, I have so much to do and I really want to relax in Hawaii so I need to get this all done.”
But he kept bringing up the walk and said his body REALLY needed it… and since I had just finished writing my intentions and one of them was, “Get outside, WORK CAN WAIT,” and “Always put the people I love first, before work” I pretty much had no choice (lol) so I put my work aside and we walked down to the beach. But not before posting my intentions on Instagram and making a big deal about it, telling J to comment, in which he wrote, “YOU HAVE NO IDEA BABE!!!!”
Then we walked down to the beach to stroll and look for a place to lay out, even though I thought we were coming right back so I made a big deal out of telling the Soho House staff to keep my computer open. Typical blogger. 🙂
THE BEACH WALK…
Keep in mind it was VERY hot and I was wearing jeans and my black Pink Floyd t-shirt so I was baking. And I had my ozone treatment the day before so I was feeling very Lyme sick and fatigued. But it’s always nice to stroll on the Malibu beaches nonetheless so I was happy, and so happy to be with him after being apart for nearly two weeks. We walked one direction on the beach and Jonathan told me it was the first day of the 20th month of us dating… aka a 201. If you read this blog regularly, then you know that 201 is my lucky number. BEYOND lucky, it’s the number that follows me everywhere and is basically my sign from the universe that life is on track.
I couldn’t believe that he figured out it was a 201 day by thinking of it that way and I was overjoyed. So I proceeded to tell him that it was also August 1st, 2018 which was 8.01, 2018… which in many ways is a 108 which is another one of my numbers. He of course took that as an opportunity to make fun of me but he also loved it and I was secretly so thrilled that he was getting excited about numbers with me, since they are such a hugely important part of my life. He’s later told me he doesn’t remember ANYTHING we talked about on the beach because his heart was pounding so fast and he was so nervous about the ring box falling from where he had it wrapped in a towel…!!
Then we turned around and walked the other direction on the beach, and although it was very beautiful and I am VERY much in love with beach strolls… I was now extremely hot and the fatigue was creeping up on me. I kept telling J we should put our towels down and lay out, but he said we should keep walking until we found a prettier area to lay down. This didn’t seem strange to me at all because Jonathan is great at making sure every moment is beautiful and picturesque and lovely, while I am much more fly by the seat of my pants and all about immediate gratification… in this case the gratification of sitting down. But still in my head I was thinking, “He has no idea how sick I feel. It’s fine… I’ll take one for the team…”
We walked a little further and then laid our towels down in front of a house, and I was thrilled to be sitting. I took my shirt off but was stuck wearing my crazy hot jeans, wondering why on earth I always wear jeans on a hot day and shorts on a chilly day. I asked Jonathan for his hat to shield my face and he gave it to me, and we laid there for a little getting comfy in the sun. Looking back I do think he seemed extremely happy and extra sweet, but at the time I didn’t think anything of it. He is always sweet and I thought he was just glad to be on the beach.
Then he started saying some very sweet things, something along the lines of, “You calm me in a way no one else ever has, and I’ve known from the very first moment that you made me feel so calm that you were my forever girl. I was scared at first, but I always knew. You’ve always been the one for me, and I truly believe that we all have THE one for us.”
And I agreed!!! Jonathan and I are both words of affirmation people and say sweet things to each other pretty much all day long, so I still didn’t think a whole lot of it. I said something along the lines of, “I’m so glad I give you the gift of being calm, you so so deserve it more than anything.”
Then he said, “Can I give you a gift?” totally in the moment just responding to what I had said.
And to be honest you guys I was so confused I thought he was asking me if he gives me any gifts the way I give him the gift of calm. So I was opening my mouth to tell him how much he gives me on a daily basis when he said, “No, I have a gift for you…” and he pulled a little black box out of his shirt, which was folded up next to him on his towel.
He placed the box on my towel and I just stared at it, totally unaware of what was going on. My first thought was that he had gotten me a piece of jewelry in Australia, maybe a necklace or a bracelet like he’d gotten me the last time he was there. In my head I thought, “Oh Jonathan, he doesn’t realize this looks like a proposal and I’m going to open this box and it will be a necklace and I’ll have to act really excited even though it looked like a proposal…” but a proposal was SO FAR from my mind I really couldn’t fathom that’s what it would be.
I opened the box and inside was not a necklace or a bracelet but a DIAMOND RING GLISTENING IN THE SUN, colors bouncing off of it from all angles, and I STILL wasn’t sure if it was a proposal!!!!!
I looked at him, looked at the ring, felt the shock in my body rising, felt the excitement rising, still felt so confused, and said, “WAIT… IS THIS A JOKE?” (don’t ask me why I thought that but I totally did)
And he just kept laughing and saying it wasn’t a joke and “Why would I joke about this!??!”, so I kept saying, “IS THIS REAL? IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING???”
And he kept saying, “YES!” and then he knelt beside me and finally asked, “Will you marry me?” and I was so giddy and shocked and thrilled I basically tackled him to the ground on the sand and said, “YES!!!!”
I love that he asked and I love that I said yes but to be totally candid, words in that moment were not even necessary. Once I grasped what was going on, we just knew. We are spending the rest of our lives together. You just pulled off the greatest surprise of all time. Holy shit. Holy shit. Oh my god.
I couldn’t even process what was happening because the shock factor was through the roof. In one moment I was laying on a towel in the sand with my boyfriend, feeling very hot and exhausted and thinking about the work I still had to do, and in the next moment I was engaged and realized everything about this day had been planned for a very, very long time… that we weren’t just spending the day at Soho House to celebrate our anniversary but we were there because he was PROPOSING. I couldn’t get over the shock and thrill and excitement and all of the feelings of not knowing!
And then of course my mind darted to… “OMG, WE’RE GOING TO GET MARRIED!!!” And even though I have known for a long time that Jonathan would be the one I would spend the rest of my life with, and him with me, having it be so solidified was the most exciting thing I had ever felt in my entire life. All of the sudden marriage was not a fantasy but a reality, and I couldn’t even contain myself from overflowing with such deep, deep joy.
Not to mention the fact that I have been so sick, sicker than I ever have been in my life, unable to get out of bed most days or go on dates or exercise or do any of the things Jonathan and I both love, oftentimes too sick to even be intimate or get too close because my body is in pain and my herxheimer reactions from my treatments have been so intense. The fact that he proposed in the thick of all of this, when so many men would have fled from the terrifying reality of my chronic illness, that was not lost on me even in all of my shock and surprise.
It was just the medicine I needed to not only feel better but to be able to clearly envision my future and all of the beautiful things about it. Marrying Jonathan, having kids, having a happy and healthy and full life, when these last few months I have barely been able to see two feet in front of me. When he was in Australia and I was feeling sicker than ever, unable to go to two of my best friends’ Bachelor/Bachelorette parties and completely alone as everyone I knew and loved was out of town celebrating SOMETHING… I was in a dark place. In my journal entries, I wrote about how clearly I understand how people with chronic illness lose the will to live because we lose everything we love, right down to being able to even go outside.
Jonathan’s love for me at this time in my life has saved me, and is the deepest, truest, most remarkable medicine I could ever possibly feel. He has never once given up on me even for a second, and him proposing DURING this trying time means more to my heart than he may ever know.
And to be honest, the adrenaline and excitement from the proposal has carried me through for a week and a half. I have had some down moments, but mostly I have been full of a zest for life I haven’t felt in so long. And THAT medicine… that is everything.
I asked him over and over again “WHO IN OUR LIFE KNOWS!??!” before ultimately realizing that nearly EVERYONE knew except for me, and all of our family / friends are the best secret keepers of all time.
We stayed on the beach for about an hour and a half in all of our glee, FaceTimeing a few friends and leaping around with joy. We asked a few strangers to take a photo of us just to remember the moment but photos were the furthest thing from our minds. As far as I was concerned we were on another planet basking in our love, another universe, a magical place.
Then I still thought we were going to Nobu for dinner just the two of us, so we headed back to Soho House to change and clean up. After I changed into my dress Jonathan walked me into a back room where I thought we were grabbing our bags from earlier, and in the room was a group of our closest friends and family waiting for us!!! I just about passed out with excitement and thrill and shock all over again.
In the group was my mom and dad, Jonathan’s parents, Jonathan’s brother and sister in law, two of my very best friends (Jillian & Alexi) and then a few minutes later J’s best friend and his wife, and my sister and nieces and brother in law. It was PERFECT. Intimate and amazing, full of so much love, and really the only word I can use to describe it is magical.
Showing my parents the ring for the first time!!!!
My dad cried when we walked in which is a moment I will never forget, I was screaming “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE ALL HERE!!!!” and I just kept holding up my hand in the air for them all to see my ring… it wasn’t even a reality to me yet that I was wearing it! My mom told me today that it was the most elated she had ever seen me in her life, the MOST cloud nine happiness I have ever felt and radiated.
Sidenote, Jonathan picked out the ring entirely on his own. He had told me we’d go ring shopping together “after Hawaii” which is why I was so shocked about the timing. It never occurred to me he’d pick it out without my input, but I love that he did. It is so special to me that this is the ring that symbolizes our love to him. And it’s freaking perfect for me, my dream ring I never even knew I wanted until he gave it to me.
That entire night, I can honestly say, was the most special night of my life to date. Having our families and some of our closest friends there to celebrate this moment with us was just everything. They have been there as we’ve fallen in love and seen our relationship progress, and to be surrounded by their love and support was just absolutely everything.
THESE TWO!! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH IT HURTS!
Some of the highlights that night were surprising my niece Olivia & brother in law Jeff, as my sister & my other niece Isabella kept the engagement a secret from them so they were just as surprised as I was!!! Seeing Jeff’s face as he realized why they were there and that the engagement had JUST happened is a moment I will never, ever forget. Jeff is like a brother to me (he and my sister have been together since I was 5) and his thrill and approval meant everything and more.
We told the proposal story to everyone there at the same time which was super special, kind of like a toast, as Jonathan is super private and hadn’t shared with anyone yet how exactly he was planning to propose. And the only people there who had already seen the ring were Alexi & J’s best friend Drew! I even had some champagne and a few sips of a martini… now you KNOW I was on cloud nine.
Soaking it all in with them was EVERYTHING, and thank goodness for them snapping so many amazing photos because I truly wouldn’t have done it on my own… I wasn’t even THINKING about pictures I was so, so high up on cloud 38293829.
Then the next day we left for Kauai which of course was all planned, as Jonathan had known for A YEAR AND A HALF that he would be proposing on August 1st, 2018. Because of the 201-ness of it (first day of our 20th month of dating). 🙂 So when he planned our Hawaii trip, he knew we’d be going away to celebrate and soak in each other’s love when I simply assumed we were going on a summer vacation.
Kauai was A-FREAKIN-MAZING and I can’t wait to share all of that with you in another blog post coming this week.
The engagement truly was the highlight of my life thus far. It may sound crazy and I don’t think I knew it would be THAT special or put me in THAT great of spirits for as long as it did (and still has been!!!!!) but it was, and I believe that is a testament to our love and what an amazing human Jonathan is. He is my forever everything, my perfect boy.
With J’s family, my future in-laws, the most kind and loving and welcoming family in the world. <3
For the last week and a half he has “proposed” almost every night, putting the ring back on me whenever I’ve taken it off to shower/wash my face/do the dishes/etc. I am sure I won’t always do that but for now I have been because it’s so SPARKLY and perfect and I just want to keep it that way!!! Every time he gets down on one knee to do the fake proposal it makes us both laugh and fills me with he greatest joy. I pretend it’s THE time every time. 😉
I share this here because I love so much taking you guys along for the ride of life with me. You’ve seen me through breakups, through some VERY unhealthy relationships, through debilitating illnesses and eating disorders and also great triumphs, and this is a new chapter. A chapter that I am over the moon about and then some.
Thank you for being here and for reading through this story!! Eek!! Would LOVE to know your thoughts and hear your proposal/engagement/marriage stories!! Any tips for planning a wedding / a newly engaged gal!??! Do tell!!!
Oh and for all who are asking we are thinking of next Fall for a wedding… more details to come very soon!!! More photos below!! SO MUCH FUN!
I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH PURE JOY ON ALL FOUR OF OUR FACES!!!!