From Breaking Vegan & Back Again // A Plant-Based Journey

11.26.18

Health

This post is something I have been wanting to write for a long time, and while I have hinted at it here and there and written about it in subliminal ways for many months… I finally feel ready to share a big step I have taken in both my spiritual and my healing journeys. I have transitioned back to veganism, and while that word is not my favorite for many dogmatic reasons — it fits what I am doing for other reasons and I will share why here. 🙂

In this post I will break down my choices to go vegan again for health reasons, Lyme healing reasons, for the animals, for my spirituality, and for the environment. I will also touch on my past with veganism because I know it’s a subject in my life that gets a lot of questions, as well as the orthorexia component… which I have very detailed thoughts about. I hope you enjoy and I hope you soak it allll in, I know it’s a lot!

I want to preface this post by saying I still believe everyone’s gotta do what’s right for them first and foremost, and I don’t want anyone to feel like because this is my path it needs to be theirs. I actually think every single human on this planet’s path is different from the other, and that is what is so beautiful about us all being here.

K? Let’s dive in.

Vegan for the animals //

I was looking at a photo I took with Huddy yesterday, my angel cat who changed my life in 2938298 ways when I adopted him 3.5 years ago, and something struck me really hard: my health permitting, I would never eat animals again.

I have never been into that comparison in the past by the way, the idea that if someone has an animal they shouldn’t eat meat, or the notion that being a mama to a domestic cat has much or anything to do with eating burgers or poultry or fish or eggs every once in a while. So I am not implying that because I have Hudson I no longer eat meat… or that if you have a dog or cat that you love, you must be vegan. But hear me out.

My thought process is this: having Hudson has made me look at animals in a whole new way, on top of a massive spiritual awakening and shift that has taken place in me over the last 2-3 years (largely inspired by Hudson’s energy… you know this if you’ve listened to any of my Miranda / animal communication podcasts!).

Having Hudson in my life, staring into his eyes, locking into his gaze, developing the most intense bond with him that I have ever felt in this lifetime (aside from and alongside of Jonathan), has brought me closer to other animals I encounter everywhere, from friends’ dogs to stray cats on the streets of Bali to horses in a pasture to frogs singing to me in Indonesia to turkeys crossing the road in my hometown of Sacramento.

It has enabled me to have this moment of, “WOAH. Animals’ eyes say so much. They have souls in there. They have families, they are living and breathing, they have babies, they are mothers, and daughters, and sons.” Like this holy shit moment, you know?

I see Hudson’s eyes in the eyes of cows, and horses, and chickens. It’s not his exact same eyes, of course, but it’s this innate ability that strikes all the way through me to see that we are all the same. Thanks also to Kundalini, reiki, channeling, and other forms of meditation & spirituality for allowing me to see beyond the physical and realize that we are all one. There is technically no difference between me and a cat, or me and a cow. Physically of course there are loads of differences, but spiritually… zero.

Vegan for spirituality & for Lyme disease //

It’s wild because being vegan for many years when I was younger also provided many of those holy shit moments, especially being deeply immersed in the vegan community in New York and in the blogging space, but to be honest I never fully resonated with the radicalism of it all — which is why it was so very easy for me to walk away from. And I still don’t resonate with radicalism! The radical, hate on others to make our message heard, vegan bullying, elitism and judgement is NOT my jam.

For many years I was so turned off of the vegan movement because of extreeeeme haters on YouTube and social media that bashed me (and others) to pieces when I departed from the lifestyle. It makes me sad in the same way that the anti-diet communities have bashed me for being extremely mindful about what I put into my body now that I am healing from Lyme and mold and co-infections. But it’s been good for me to see that the diet bullying is not strictly linked to veganism — it’s everywhere. Just like hate, judgment, bullying, and extremism exists in every area of life, far outside of the diet and lifestyle and wellness communities.

And speaking of healing from Lyme, I truly believe that getting sick has been my greatest gift when it comes to bringing me back to caring for my health in a truly intuitive way. On a spiritual level, it’s like the universe woke me back up by saying, “Health is your greatest passion, and sharing and spreading the message of wellness and living that lifestyle for yourself is a massive part of your calling. Just because you had this negative experience with veganism when you were younger doesn’t mean that you need to turn your back on plants. In fact, your body is going to continue to break down in a variety of ways until you cannot function anymore if you continue to turn your back on this wellness-focused way of life that is calling you.”

Now, that might be a little out there and ethereal for some of you. Which I get. But if you’re a close follower of my blog and podcast, it’s probably very in line with what you already believe. The universe has so much wisdom for us, the earth has so very much knowledge and medicine for us, and plants are a huge part of that.

My journey back to the plant-based way of life has been slow and steady. It started a couple of years ago when I realized that eating red meat and bacon was causing major gastrointestinal issues and weight gain for me personally. I cut those things out but kept poultry, eggs, and fish. Then we all know my health started to blow up in huge ways, from eczema to rapidly escalating Lyme disease, Epstein Barr Virus, and more… and my soul called me back to a plant-based way of eating and healing.

I haven’t eaten anything non-vegan in over a year, with the exception of some collagen here and there and some Omega-3 fish oils and a bit of powdered colostrum for gut issues. In many ways I have been quietly vegan, so as not to rock the boat or make my very personal choice to return to this way of life very public. I also didn’t want to make it public before I was sure what I was doing — a lesson I learned from my orthorexia days, when I used that word very quickly and became an absolute poster child for something I only halfway resonated with.

My thoughts on Orthorexia //

When it comes to orthorexia… that is a tricky subject for me. I do believe I had serious health issues when I was living in New York and addicted to juice cleanses and listening to the advice of raw vegan YouTubers as the word of God. But beyond being somewhat orthorexic in that I had many food fears, I was first and foremost legitimately sick — with extreme gastrointestinal issues, and what I now know were the deteriorating effects of mold poisoning and chronic Lyme disease. I was searching for healing back then just as I am now… I was just younger and more susceptible to listening to people who didn’t quite know what they were talking about.

So yes while I dealt with the tendencies of orthorexia back then as a means of sheer confusion about my health, I now know the root cause of my sickness was physical. I was sick, sick, sick with Lyme back then just as I am now. Orthorexia for me was a direct byproduct of desperately trying to heal myself in the only way I knew how. I don’t resonate with much of what I believed about my health and orthorexic journey back then… because again, I was listening to people outside of myself (nutritionists, doctors, therapists) who also wanted to put me in another box: the eating disorder box.

It is really hard for me to grapple with as I look back on this period of my life. I was very sick, and I was being told I was suffering from an eating disorder. Really what I was suffering from was neurological Lyme disease. Just like many people who I look up to in the Lyme community have been institutionalized, made to feel like they were crazy, put into every box from eating disorders to ADHD to depression/anxiety and more… I was told I had a severe eating disorder. But in reality, I was drinking copious amounts of green juice in place of food because food made me feel debilitatingly ill. And now I finally know why, and now I can remedy that. I no longer eat nightshades, and inflammatory foods that were causing me to feel so very sick — plus the massive healing regime I am on right now in general is helping.

Doctors I Trust & Trusting Myself //

This year I have also been gifted with the knowledge of people I finally, legitimately, truly trust. From my Lyme doctor, to my True North Health Center doctors who have taught me the SOS-free way of life and its benefits, to the Medical Medium who has drastically changed my life and my approach to healing, to herbalists and shamans who have shared herbal tinctures and homeopathic plant remedies with me, and more. And guess what? Each and every one of those things, and people, and healers, brings me back to plants.

Most of all though, I rely on myself. I have learned the hard way, again and again, not to place all of my trust in someone else who is outside of myself. I am the only person who can truly on a deep and soul level understand how I am feeling, and how foods make me feel. I have experimented, fine tuned, and refined my approach to food and healing for the last four and a half years (as well as my lifetime). And what my gut has 100% brought me back to, is the plant-based way of life.

Plants are medicine. Leafy greens, celery juice, herbal tinctures from lemon balm to nascent iodine to nettle leaf to eleuthro to my beloved Four Sigmatic Chaga, to TCM herbs like rhodiola and cramp bark, to the medicinal properties of wild blueberries, to the extreme healing benefits of cutting out caffeine/inflammatory foods… the list goes on, all of this has healed me on a deep, deep level.

Ever since switching to an SOS-free way of life (which you can read more about here), and then amping up my protocol by adding in Medical Medium herbs / celery juice and cutting out high histamine and inflammatory foods… I have noticed SIGNIFICANT changes and improvements in my healing.

Tuning Out the Noise //

Learning to tune out the noise has been the most healing part of this entire journey for me. There will always be haters, I have absolutely learned that. Even people who I have considered friends and felt close to have made subliminal or not so subliminal comments about my healing protocol, and also people far and wide feel like they know intimate things about me because of my blog, book, podcast, etc. which invokes people to think they know what is best for me, without knowing the half of it.

And by the way you do know intimate things about me on the deepest soul level!! But I am not who I was four years ago, or two years ago, or even one. I have changed, as we all do, and my spiritual path has only escalated that change at a quite rapid pace. And as much as I share on the Internet, there is a lot I am unable to share… because a lot of life is lived beyond these tiny screens, and even if I tried I couldn’t share everything because that just becomes impossible.

My confidence has increased ten trillion fold. I am not afraid of what others say or think. In fact, my way of life and dietary preferences should be of no one’s concern. But because many, many people out there also suffer with Lyme disease, and mold poisoning, and MCAS, and gut issues, and even a past with orthorexia… I take my job as a wellness blogger very seriously. I am honored to be able to influence and teach the things I learn that really help me and many others with their severe symptoms.

That’s why I have chosen to share this personal choice in my life. Dietary choices are VERY personal. Passing judgment, subtle or non subtle, is really just not okay and flat out rude. Don’t be that person. How would you like it if I said, “OMG why do you eat meat? Do you know how much cholesterol is in that? Did you realize a cow died in order to be on your plate?” I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT. THAT IS JUST PLAIN ANNOYING, RUDE, AND UNCALLED FOR.

So there is no need to turn the table the other way and make anyone feel uncomfortable, vegan or non vegan or paleo or keto or flat out alien or whatever the heck people choose.

Soooo what I am saying here in this post is that beyond plants healing me on a medicinal, healing my sick body level… I have had multiple epiphanies this year about resonating with veganism for the animals, as well as the environment and for deep spiritual healing.

So all around, I am happy. I am healing. I feel good. I am getting stoked for my digital detox beginning in just a few days.

This is a long and intimate post, and the purpose is to catch you up to speed with a lot of what I have been thinking about and dealing with over the last year or so. There is so much more to the story, which is why I plan to write a book all about this. Would love to hear your thoughts & experiences below, I love to hear from you and get inspired by your words. <3